A woman brings ten-year-old Johnny home from a play date with her ten year old daughter, Mary. Johnny’s mother opens the front door is immediately confronted by Mary’s angry mother who informs her that
“Johnny was caught playing doctors and patients with Mary in their games room!”
Johnny’s mother says: “Let’s not be too harsh on them… they are bound to be curious about sex at that age.”
“Curious about sex?” replies Mary’s mother. “He’s taken her appendix out!”
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
"I have an idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you."
Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!"
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's fool.
Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me."
When a three-year-old opened a birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol.
He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.
His mother was not so pleased. She turned to the grandmother and said,
"I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"
The grandmother smiled and then replied, "I remember."
Young Simon was walking around his local supermarket picking up a few items for his evening meal when he noticed an old lady was following him. He tried to ignore her but every direction he went she followed.Eventually he went to the checkout, but the old lady managed to push in
front of him and turned to speak to him.
“I beg your pardon,” she said, “I am very sorry if I have alarmed you by following you around, but you look just like my son who died recently.”
“I am very sorry to hear that,” replied Simon, “that must be very disconcerting for you. Is there anything I can do to help you?”
“Well there is one thing that would cheer me up a bit,” she said. “As I’m leaving, will you call out ‘Goodbye mother’ to me?”
“Of course,” answered Simon and as the old woman was leaving, he called out, “Goodbye mother!”
The girl on the till checked out his items and said “That will be $185.”
Simon was shocked. “How can my bill be $185?” he asked, “I’ve only bought a few things!”
The checkout girl replied, “Your mother said that you would pay for her!”
A policeman searched Charlie in a nightclub toilet and found a small bag of drugs.
“It’s not my fault,” Charlie said, “Every time I try flushing them down the toilet they magically appear back in my pocket again.”
“Do you really expect me to believe that?” the policeman laughed. CharlieI said, “I’ll prove it to you if you want me to!”
“Go on then.” he smiled, handing back the bag. After they were flushed, the policeman looked up and said, “Well, show me your pocket then.”
“What for?” Charlie asked.
He said, “The drugs.”
QUOTE OF THE MONTH
“Creativity, as has been said, consists largely of rearranging what we know in order to find out what we do not know.
Hence, to think creatively , we must be able to look afresh at what we normally take for granted.”
- George Kneller