Jim gets pulled over by police, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim says “I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t…

Dad: I want you to marry a girl of my choice Son : No !! Dad : The girl is Bill Gates’ daughter Son : oh.. okay Dad goes to Bill Gates Dad : I want your daughter to marry my son Bill Gates : No !! Dad : My son is the CEO of…

A woman brings ten-year-old Johnny home from a play date with her ten year old daughter, Mary. Johnny’s mother opens the front door is immediately confronted by Mary’s angry mother who informs her that “Johnny was caught playing doctors and patients with Mary in their games room!” Johnny’s mother says: “Let’s not be too harsh…

Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills. Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him? Doctor: They are for you!  A man was traveling through the west of the US, when he saw a sign that said, “Meet the Indian Who Never Forgets, Next Exit”. Well, being…

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the minister with an unusual offer. “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honour and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d…

The phone bill was exceptionally high and father of the house called a family meeting… on a Saturday morning… after breakfast… Dad: “People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.” Mum: “Same here, I hardly use this…

While watching a movie recently, a man couldn’t hear the dialogue over the chatter of the two women sitting in front of him. Unable to bear it any longer, he tapped one of them on the shoulder. “Excuse me,” he said, “I can’t hear.” “I should hope not,” one woman replied sharply. “This is a…

A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious, the man rowed over and asked, “What is the mirror for?” “That’s my secret way to catch fish,” said the other…

In a village in the mountains, a little old man with a beard and a young girl set up a stall in the market place one day, selling bottles of homemade medicine, labelled ‘The Elixir of Life’.“Come on, everyone!” the old man called out. “Don’t miss your chance to beat ageing. This is your opportunity to buy Archie’s…

Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two’s…